I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
