that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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