Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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