I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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