hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
