i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
