Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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