finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
