my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
