i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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