Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The air taste purple.
Randomize
