It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
