xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
