Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
