It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
