so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
