I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
