It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
