My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
