I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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