Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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