Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
