Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
