I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
