She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
