just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
