Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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