I accidentally had phone sex last night
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
