So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
