Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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