im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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