she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
