i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
