i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
