they need to just BURY HIM!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
