My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Boobs speak an international language.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
