just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
