my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
