when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
