when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
