i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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