Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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