last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
