I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
