If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
