My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
