I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
