exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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