Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
