I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
