the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
