ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
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