we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
