i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
